U rated film, X rated guests
by loza-ma-main-man
Summary: The Cullens plan a prank on some school 'friends' in an empty cinema. This one takes some serious planning, but Edward doesn't want to play. How will they stop him being a killjoy, and who will their guests be? Usual couples, quite OOC
1. Disclaimer

**Disclaimer: Twilight, and all characters, locations and themes pertaining to Twilight are the property of Stephenie Meyer and possibly Little, Brown Books for Young Readers. I merely enjoy playing with them.**


	2. Role Reversal

Chapter One: Role Reversal

EPOV

"No! Alice, I absolutely refuse to do that to Bella. I thought I made that clear the first twenty seven times you asked, and every time Emmett has asked too, of which I've lost count."

"Edward, I told you I really don't mind." She grinned. If only she knew what she was agreeing to.

"Not helping Bella." I couldn't believe she was willing to go along with their plan.

"What's so bad about kissing me anyway?"

"Alice! Those thoughts are really not helping right now." My darling sister torturing me with her memories of Bella in her underwear was doing nothing for my resolve and she knew it.

"Actually Edward, I think you'll find they are very helpful." She giggled, winking at Bella.

"Edward! You never answered my question," Bella said, clearly having been wrapped up in her own thoughts.

"Bella, you know I have no objections to kissing you at all, and would happily spend the rest of my existence attached to your mouth if the circumstances were different. But they're not. And if you had seen Emmett's vision for this plan then you would realise that it's not only kissing that we would be expected to display."

Her eyes opened wide. Clearly she didn't realise how seriously my siblings took their little pranks.

"Oh. How come you didn't inform me of this, Alice?" She sounded annoyed, maybe she would be on my side now.

"Erm, well… You see Bella… I er-" In all the years I had known her I had rarely seen my sister stutter.

Bella's laughter interrupted Alice as we both stared at her, at a loss as to why she had suddenly turned into a hyena. It took her a long time to calm down, but once she had, she informed us that Jasper, caring soul that he was, had told her about the full extent of their plan once he realised Emmett and Alice had kept it from her and that I hadn't told her because I didn't think it necessary considering that I wasn't going to go through with it anyway.

"Alice, could you please leave the room a moment? Please don't go far, I may need you in a moment." Bella grinned at Alice who smiled wickedly when she saw her plan.

I tried to read Alice's thoughts but she was picturing indecent images involving Jasper and their bedroom furniture so I wouldn't linger. She danced from the room with a gleeful smile on her face.

I looked over at Bella questioningly but she merely sat innocently on my bed. So she was playing a game was she? No matter, I would simply have to play dirty. I shocked her once again with my speed as I pinned her to the bed my lips inches from hers. Something flickered in her eyes but she didn't try to get away.

"Bella," I begun in my gentlest voice, breathing on her slightly and gazing down into her chocolate orbs.

She was focussing on a point just to the left of my chin and I was sure it was taking her a lot of effort to do so. I bent my head down and slowly kissed her, my lips lingering on hers. Then it was her turn to shock me. She turned her head slightly away from my kiss. I drew back, afraid I had upset her.

"I thought you didn't want to kiss me, Edward."

So that was her game. I rolled off of her sighing, and laid beside her for a few seconds, thinking how to respond to her attempt to get me in on the plan. Suddenly my breath hitched in my throat. Bella had carefully slid her hand under my shirt and was very softly drawing small circles on the soft skin inside my hip. I closed my eyes. She was driving me wild, but I couldn't let her know that. Her warm caress was electrifying.

I struggled to think clearly, then her hand moved further left and I felt the bed shift under me. Seconds later Bella was straddling my middle. She ran her hands up to my shoulders and lowered her face to mine. I was expecting her to kiss me, but no. Her full red lips instead teased my neck, moving to my collar bone and back up to my ear.

"So Edward," she said between kisses, "Why exactly," her tongue dove into my ear, "Is it," she sucked my earlobe, "That you don't like Emmett's plan?" She moved her mouth to my face, placing kisses all around my cheekbones and caressing my features with her fingertips. I could barely think, let alone string together a sentence. Her scent was intoxicating, but blood lust wasn't the first thing on my mind.

"Let me make it easier for you," She slid her hand back under my shirt, further this time, to tease my ribs, "What is your main objection to kissing me in a darkened room?" She whispered into my cheek, her breath tickling my skin.

"Er…" I attempted to clear my mind, "None I guess."

"Good. Now, don't you like this?" She wriggled her hips.

I gasped and she bit her lip, blushing. I was powerless under her now.

"Y- No!" I stammered.

"What, Edward?" My beautiful Bella pressed her lips against mine.

"Er…"

She ran her hand around to my back, tracing my muscles as she licked my lips then drew her lips away a few millimetres for me to answer.

"Yes." My voice was barely audible, but she smiled and her eyes glistened with victory.

She pressed her lips to mine once again just as the door burst open and Alice and Emmett burst through, followed by a more sedate Jasper and finally Rosalie. Bella giggled against my lips and I cursed inwardly. How had I let that happen? I couldn't believe I was now going to have to take part in their plan. I had promised myself I would not do that to Bella. Ever.

"Man, Bella, I don't think even you realise the effect you have on him!" Jasper was feeling my emotion and clearly not enjoying it.

"So now that we are all in, I think we should run through the plan. Alice. There are a few things Edward can help us with. Making sure everyone will cooperate and so on." Emmett was almost bouncing off the ceiling with excitement.


	3. Operation Bloodrush

Chapter Two: Operation Bloodrush

EPOV

"OK, so first we have to invite the guests. Edward, if we sent Mike Newton two cinema vouchers who would he invite?"

"Bella," I growled, I found it difficult not to rip off his head whenever I heard the thoughts of that vile mollusc that in anyway involved Bella.

"If she refused?"

"Jessica."

"And Jessica would invite?"

"Mike."

"Lauren?"

"Tyler."

"The girls it is then." She wrote something on a pad of paper.

"So we are to send two pairs of authentic-looking vouchers in the mail, one pair each to Jessica and Lauren, who will invite Mike and Tyler. The vouchers will be for a Monday night, and as we know the Port Angeles cinema will be closed. They will say it is an exclusive showing of a film called 'Hidden Heat' as yet not showing in the US and there is a very exclusive guest list.

"Emmett, Jasper and Rosalie will break into the cinema on the Monday and Jasper and Rosalie will deal with any suspicious humans. _Emmett _will stay well out of the way. They will put up some posters and other props to add to the façade. Is everyone clear so far?"

We all nodded.

"For the first time in our pranks, Esme and Carlisle will be assisting us. Esme will act as front-of-house as none of them know her, and Carlisle will act as usher. He will have dyed hair and some subtle makeup, and the lights will be dimmed to 'add to the glamour' or ensure he is unrecognisable.

"Seats will be allocated to all guests. Once all the guests are present, Esme will change, put her hair up and apply a lot of make up then act as another guest, and Carlisle will disappear to operate the projector. Along with Esme, Mike, Jessica, Lauren and Tyler, we will all be guests.

"Emmett and Rosalie will be stationed in the ladies bathroom prior to the guests arriving. Jasper and myself will arrive at the same time as them, say hi and follow them in. Edward and Bella will move all three of our cars to surround theirs as best as possible. This will be planned more precisely later on. They will then enter and take their seats (after Esme).

"Before the movie begins, Jasper and I will appear as an ordinary young couple, totally in love in a sweet, calmly romantic way. We will be seated at the back right of the theatre. Edward and Bella will enter giggling, he will be clasping her to him. Their relationship will appear quite physical, and they will appear unashamed of it. They will be seated directly in front of Mike and Jessica."

"Hey, why can't we have your roles?"

She just glared at me, and replied with her thoughts. Of course, Bella and I would provoke the greatest reaction from that particular couple. Alice continued.

"Emmett and Rosalie will enter from the bathroom, scantily clad, with some items inside out or unbuttoned etc. He will have his hand on her butt and they will unsuccessfully try to look ashamed. Esme, however, will act as though she is disgusted by theirs and Edward's displays."

She was interrupted at this point by Emmett.

"Alice, you forgot to tell Bella and Edward what it's called."

I groaned, having heard his thoughts.

"Ah yes," she grinned almost as much as Emmett. "Operation Bloodrush."

BPOV

"Why bloodrush?" I was really confused, but I seemed to be the only one who was.

Emmett laughed. "Well Bella, you know how you blush a lot, just like now? It turns Edward on."

Edward launched himself at his brother who had almost collapsed from laughing.

The rest of us were so used to this we ignored them.

"How do you know that?"

It was Jasper that replied. He tapped his head. "Inbuilt lust-detector, Bella. Edward has been unbearable lately. He's so repressed. When he was born, young people had to be chaperoned everywhere, even in public, and if they were engaged. Also, when women blushed, it was seen as something sexual. Fortunately or unfortunately for him, it arouses him every time you blush."

By now Edward and Emmett had resurfaced and Edward was looking sheepish. I looked at him and blushed. Emmett was immediately crippled again and even Rosalie cracked a smile.

"And that has what to do with the plan?"

"Well basically, emotions will be running high in that theatre. But in particular, the isn't simply to get to those losers, but to make Edward lighten up a little." Alice sounded very pleased with herself.

"So you're the mastermind? I thought it was Emmett." Edward didn't sound too happy with his sister. She merely grinned, her eyes sparkling dangerously.

"As if he could come up with a plan to nail two birds with one stone." Jasper stated as though it was obvious.

Alice ran through the rest of the plan, receiving more objections from Edward. I had to admit, it sounded almost dangerous. When she got to the bit involving the cars was when I began to get scared. But I still wanted to go through with it so I couldn't let Edward know. Then Alice said the two words in the same sentence that never failed to make my blood run cold. Shopping and Bella did not belong within five miles of each other, never mind five words.


	4. Practising

**A/N: OK I'm sorry to everyone who has reviewed and/or alerted this story that it has been so long, but I just couldn't get motivated. Anyway, I finished my exams this afternoon and came home and finished this chapter. It's a bit longer than the other two so I hope you enjoy it. _Constructive _criticism is appreciated. Thanks**

Chapter Three: Practising

BPOV

I complained to Alice but she was having none of it. She said that we had to go shopping now because it was Saturday so we only had two days until Operation Bloodrush.

As we approached the Volvo Edward walked towards the passenger door to open it for me, but Alice stopped him.

"Nuh-uh. You two are in the back. I'm driving."

"What, Alice? Why?" My angel wasn't pleased.

"You need to practise." Alice grinned wickedly.

"I need to do no such thing." Looking at her face he saw it was pointless so he compromised, "At least let Jasper drive. Please."

Alice threw the keys to her smirking husband before ushering us towards the back seat and sliding gracefully into the seat in front of Edward. Emmett and Rosalie followed us in her M3.

"Jazz," Alice's statement confused me. But the smirk on her face was what worried me.

"Oh no you don't." Edward was arguing again, but he was looking at Jasper. Alice giggled.

I looked at Edward; he was so sexy when he was mad. I moved closer to him, and daringly put my hand on his thigh. He drew breath in through his teeth and looked down at me. I gave him my most alluring look, running the tip of my tongue slowly over my upper lip. All of a sudden I felt incredibly turned on and I felt Edwards hands grab my hips, lifting me onto his lip before his lips came crashing to mine.

Edward's mouth plundered mine roughly and his tongue slipped out and pushed its way past my lips. Its cool length explored my mouth as his ice-cold hands left trails of fire as they moved all over my back and sides. It seemed as though Edward (finally) couldn't get close enough to me. I ran one of my hands through his soft tresses as the other clamped behind his neck.

I felt my fiancé's moist mouth leave mine as he moved to the left, placing soft kisses along my jaw to my neck. I almost moaned as he used his tongue to caress the sensitive hollow behind my ear. I let my hands drop, then gently lifted Edward's left hand to my mouth and kissed it all over, sucking at his knuckles.

Edward's lips returned to mine, and he kissed me until I was breathless, when I pulled away before I passed out. I slumped against his neck, breathing heavily, and felt him bury his face in my hair, inhaling the scent of my shampoo.

Once I could breathe normally again, I lifted my head to look at Edward's beautiful face, and rested my forehead on his. I gently brushed my lips against his.

"You are incredible." I was shocked at how dazed I sounded. I heard a soft chuckle behind me.

When I turned my head, Alice and Jasper were grinning, their golden eyes sparkling. Alice applauded and I groaned, turning back to Edward so I could hide my face in his shoulder. I had only just realised that it wasn't me, or even Edward, who had made that happen. Damned blonde, empathic vampire!

"Shh, Bella. Ignore them. And don't be mad at Jasper, you know he can't refuse Alice anything." Edward was whispering soothingly in my ear.

Damned pixie! She was so in for it. I would have to get Edward to help me get revenge. Something she wouldn't see us planning. Something spontaneous she couldn't do anything to prevent. Something to do with her beloved shopping. I grinned as I thought of the possibilities, but avoided making any decisions so she wouldn't see what I was planning.

EPOV

I knew as soon as Jasper turned the heat up. I could tell Bella was oblivious though. I wasn't sure whether to be annoyed or thankful to him. After all, I definitely enjoyed the more physical turn our relationship had taken. But now that Bella sat cringing in my arms I almost wished it had never happened.

I had heard Alice and Jasper's thoughts and knew exactly who was responsible for this. I also knew it was pre-planned. My sister was going to kill me if she didn't stop this soon. And using Bella and Jasper as her pawns against me – how much lower was she going to go?

I felt Bella grin against my neck. This confused me somewhat, until she looked at me and motioned in Alice's direction with her eyes. I smirked at her and nodded slightly, understanding. She leaned into me, put her lips by my ear, and whispered so quietly that even I had to strain to hear it. She was getting better at this.

"Shop-ping." She drew back and looked at me as I pulled my mouth into the crooked grin I knew she loved.

Soon after we had pulled into the parking lot of the mall. I was beginning to question whether I actually preferred Jasper driving my beautiful car to Alice. Rosalie parked next to us and we all made our way into the mall.

Alice handed me a shopping list and went through it in her head, showing me what everything looked like and where it could be purchased. I nodded and reached for Bella's hand but Alice tugged her away.

"She's coming with me, you're with Jasper."

"What about those Emmett and Rosalie?" I glanced into Emmett's mind to see, but quickly focused on Alice to rid myself of the images of Rosalie. I turned slowly towards where I thought they stood, and sure enough, there they were, joined at the lips, earning a few disgusted glances from shoppers.

"They have their own stuff to buy, Emmett knows what he's looking for, and Rosalie will keep him in line."

I turned to my angel and put my hands on her hips, leaning forward for a kiss, which she rewarded me with, smiling.

"I'm sorry Edward, I didn't know she was going to do this."

"Come on, lover boy." Jasper smirked as he punched my arm playfully.

"You're a fine one to talk, Mr I-do-everything-my wife-tells-me-to." I reluctantly followed him after promising Bella I'd see her soon.

"So I turned up the heat on you in the car – sue me!"

"Oh, I wasn't referring to that – Alice likes men in uniform doesn't she Jazz?" I used her nickname for him on purpose to draw more of a reaction.

He growled but didn't respond. I looked once more at the shopping list.

"So we need temporary brown hair dye and an usher-style tux for Carlisle, dim light bulbs, champagne, expensive snacks and soft drinks, walkie-talkies – remember Emmett broke the last set by dropping one in the lake – and a new pair of shoes for me. Why? I have a perfectly good pair of shoes!"

"Don't ask." But I could see in Jasper's mind the image of Emmett trying to force my shoes onto his size 14 feet. What was wrong with him?

As Jasper and I traipsed round the mall making our purchases I thought of my Bella. I imagined the torture Alice was putting her through – I knew which shops she had been taken to. I sought out Alice's mind, sifting through the shallow thoughts of the many humans surrounding us until I heard the excited tones of my sister's mind. Then I saw her. She was stunning, but I knew if I had been human, I would have been blushing.


	5. Mistaken Assumption

Chapter Four:

Chapter Four: Mistaken Assumption

BPOV

Alice, sure to form, had dragged me around more shops than I could count. And now I was trailing her as she whizzed around a lingerie boutique. No Victoria Secret for Alice. I didn't want to think about the price tags on the scanty pieces of material she was collecting up. I only knew that most of these things would cost more than I would spend on a dress.

Finally Alice shooed me into the dressing room. It was incredible – the size of my bedroom, with plum- coloured silk hangings and tasteful pictures, as well as complimentary chocolates. She handed me her selections and stepped outside.

I riffled quickly through the bra and panty sets until I found a few that weren't too terrible. The first was a baby blue satin balconette bra with yellow and pink flowers, with matching net panties, and the second was a sheer, deep purple - almost blue – push up bra with matching lacy panties.

I put on the first bra, feeling incredibly self-conscious as I called out to Alice.

"Do I _have_ to show you?"

She didn't reply. Instead, Alice was in the room before I even realised the curtain had opened. She smiled.

"Bella, stop covering yourself, you look incredible! Edward won't be able to resist!" She giggled.

I blushed, and tried to force her out of the room so I could try on my other selection. But she gasped.

"Don't bother trying the other one on, he'll love it." She grinned. "But hurry up and get dressed, we have lots more to do." She took the lingerie away and went to pay.

I sighed. I could guess what was coming next – it wouldn't be as embarrassing, but knowing Alice, it would take longer.

As Alice was scanning the racks in the next boutique, I made a few selections of my own. Then I felt strong arms encircle my waist. A pair of stone-cold lips caressed my ear. I smiled – he had perfect timing.

As I turned in his arms, I whispered, "Have you come to rescue me from your evil sister?" I knew she would hear. Sure enough she was by my side in a shot, followed more sedately by Jasper.

"No way, Jose," Alice growled. "You are staying with me, young lady. You need a dress!"

"But I've already chosen some. I'll try them on and then Edward can take me home – you can come back with Rosalie."

Alice looked at my dresses. "WHAT is that? Bella, these dresses are hideous. I can't believe you would even consider them!"

"Well, I like them," Edward winked at me. He knew that I agreed whole-heartedly with Alice's assessment of the dresses.

"Excuse me." A new voice interrupted. It was the sales clerk. "If you don't like our creations, I am afraid we will have to ask you to leave, Miss…"

"Cullen." Alice snapped. She was never that rude. Then, again, she had probably never been asked to leave a shop in her life, especially not this one.

"Well, I'll just try these on then." I said as I watched Alice storm out of the store, pout firmly in place.

As I crossed to the changing rooms, Edward behind me, I picked out a couple more gowns when I was sure Alice wasn't looking.

I put on my new pale blue bra and then tried on a gorgeous flowing gown of the same shade. It had inch-wide straps and a low v-shaped neckline. It was backless, and had infusions of violet, green and dark blue from the hem upwards.

Edward spoke from outside the changing room, he sounded nervous. "You know, I saw what you tried on earlier in Alice's mind." I froze. He had seen me in the bra I was wearing right now. I felt a slow smile creep across my face.

"Well, I suppose you might like to see it for real then." I bit my lip in anticipation.

"Er, yeah, I suppose, I would er, like that, Bella."

"Well you have to see this dress first."

I opened the curtain and saw Edward's eyes widen. His gaze swept down to my feet and back up again.

He stepped forward and placed a firm, lingering, but chaste kiss on my lips.

"You are beauty itself. Bella," He breathed. I blushed at his words, and he chuckled lowly.

I turned my face back up to his for a kiss, which he granted, before returning behind the drapes to remove my dress. I slipped my jeans back on as well – this was a shopping mall after all. "Edward," I called.

He drew back the curtain and entered. He gasped looked at my face in confusion. Then he laughed. "You are a cheeky little minx."

Now I was confused, "D-don't you like it?"

"Like it? I love it! But this isn't the one you tried on before."

"It – oh!" Comprehension dawned on me, "Alice saw me wearing the other one once I decided to try it on and assured me you'd love it so told me not to bother trying it."

"Ah, I see. Well, I'm certainly not complaining."

I turned away slightly in embarrassment as my cheeks glowed red once again. Edward put his hands on my waist, "Look at me, Bella." I did.

As soon as my gaze met his, Edward lifted his hand to cup the side of my face. His lips met mine in a kiss full of heated desire. My hands went around his neck, playing with the curls at his nape. His tongue grazed my lips and I parted them to allow him entry. His tongue danced with mine, before he pulled away and leaned his forehead on mine, his lips were parted, his eyes bright with lust. I was gasping for breath as I looked upon his beautiful face.

"Let's get out of here - Alice will be sobbing soon if you don't reassure her about the dresses." I giggled slightly at Edward's reference to his dramatic sister.

He took the gown and paid while I dressed. We found Jasper cradling Alice just outside the shop. Edward offered her the garment bag.

After she glanced inside, she gasped. "Oh Bella, it's beautiful. I was so depressed I couldn't bear to look." She squealed and pounced on me.

I giggled nervously.

"Oh, don't worry, I forgive you. If you had chosen a bad dress I never would have, but you chose this so I will love you forever." She spoke so quickly I wasn't sure if I caught every word right.

"But you!" She turned, to my surprise, on Jasper. "Why did you let that store clerk throw me out? You could have calmed her down or, or something!" She was practically screaming, and we were earning quite a few stares from nearby shoppers.

All of a sudden she stopped, "Oh Jazz baby, I'm so sorry, I'll do anything to make it up to you, anything at all."

"Anything?" Jasper raised an eyebrow.

Edward cringed. "Ugh! I did not need to see that Jasper! You two are obscene!"

Alice closed her eyes, and a few seconds later, giggled, grabbed Jasper's hand and danced off, whispering to him.

"Are they always like that?"

"Usually without so much screaming – shopping makes her crazy."

A/N: Thanks for reading! Please review, I need to know what you all think so I can improve it, any ideas you have, that sort of thing.

I'm working on another (more serious) story but I won't be posting it for a little while as I am hoping to get the entire plot sorted, the first few chapters and a few key scenes written before I start posting.


End file.
